Hello there, autumn

Well, hello there, autumn. You’re a bit chilly, aren’t you?

The leaves are falling. X-factor’s back on the telly. The shops are full of knitwear. And, as always happens at this time of year, I’m reminded of my favourite joke. It goes like this (imagine it with funny voices – it’s better with funny voices):

Baby polar bear: Mum, are you sure I’m a polar bear?

Baby polar bear’s mum: Of course I’m sure.

Baby polar bear: I’m not… a grizzly bear?

Baby polar bear’s mum: No.

Baby polar bear: Or a black bear? Or a panda bear?

Baby polar bear’s mum: No, why do you ask?

Baby polar bear: Because I’m freezing!

I feel such an affinity with that baby polar bear. Maybe because every time I complain about the cold (and, yes, I am inclined to grumble quite a lot about it), people gasp and exclaim, “But you’re Scottish!”. Uh huh. I am. But that doesn’t mean I’ve got an invisible layer of thermal tartan to keep me toasty. In fact, I feel the cold more than most people. In September I become an absolute bore as my wardrobe hasn’t caught up with the plummeting temperatures and I spend a lot of time lamenting the fact that it’s inappropriate to have a hot water bottle in the workplace (I used to have one at my old work… two sometimes…).

But I can’t help it. You see, I think I was supposed to live in a much, much warmer climate.

Just like the baby polar bear.

Maybe I’m destined to live in LA. Or Miami.

I did live in Texas for a year. It was absolutely glorious and I even got a tan. Mind you, there are disadvantages to a permanently sunny climate. You have no need for a winter coat, for example. Which is a shame because I do enjoy taking stock of the latest coats each autumn. Usually I don’t even end up buying one. Last year I spent weeks debating the merits of a faux-fur wonder from Topshop before I finally tried it on and had to admit to myself that I resembled a hairy mushroom.

But this year something quite special has been brought to my attention.

Ta dah!

I’m a big fan of ears on hoods. Always have been, always will be. It looks so warm. Positively cosy. And check it out – it’s even Petite which always aids me in my quest to not look like a mushroom. Yes, I do realise I’ll basically be dressing up as a leopard (minus the tail, more’s the pity), but then you never hear jungle cats complaining about the weather, do you?