Friday, 2 December 2011

Let there be light (and lots of nice colours)

A few days ago I criticised Topshop.

This is not something I do often, or something I take lightly. But I couldn’t understand why they were making Christmas sweaters, but only in the colour black. Personally, I like to live in a technicolour dreamworld all year round - especially during December. Come on, Topshop. It gets dark at 4pm at the moment, why add to the bleak mid winter? I had to speak my mind.

And I haven't changed my mind on this matter.

But perhaps I was wrong to single out Topshop.

I’ve just had a quick look at River Island online and they too want us to buy magical Christmas sweaters in boring black. 

Check out this polar bear. Isn’t he fancy with all his sequins? And, to be fair, he doesn’t look quite as unhappy as the penguin in Topshop. But why why why not a rich jewelly colour like emerald or sapphire?

Polar bear ain’t alone. There’s also a badger (because I guess they celebrate Christmas too). Badger appears in blaaaand beige. But the less said about him the better. He strikes me as a deeply unhappy individual.

You know, I guess this year there just aren’t any colourful sweaters that incorporate Christmas and animals. Unless, of course, you’re a dog. Then you're spoilt for choice.

Thursday, 1 December 2011

When Google spiders attack

I occasionally sneak a peek to see who’s reading my blog. Not that I can see, “Oooh, Lisa Dennison’s reading in San Francisco!” (but, thanks for reading, Lisa). What I can see is where people are reading (surprisingly, often Russia). And how people have ended up finding the blog.

With this knowledge, I’d like to apologise now to all the unsuspecting souls who were furiously Google searching for important information and ended up on The Lion, the Kitsch and the Wardrobe. I hope that some of them have found it a good read. Perhaps the person who searched for “Topshop pony cardigan” enjoyed my critique of other pony fashions too. And probably all the people who searched for “I love pandas” and “Foxes” at least found that we had a few things in common.

But I’m terribly worried about one reader. The person who searched for “My bladder is about to explode”. Apparently Google’s magical spider workers went off into the web and pulled up my posting about a weekend in Sweden during which a toilet attendant made me pay to use the bathroom. Which was surely of no assistance to the person searching for answers on this extremely urgent matter. Who has time to read musings about animal homeware in Scandinavia at a time like that?

I’m left with all kinds of questions. Above all, did they get to the bathroom in time?

So, Mystery Googler, if by any chance you ended up a regular reader, drop me a line and let me know you’re OK. And here's a pomeranian in a sailor outfit to bring good health and happiness to you and your bladder.